May 22

“Loving is a feeling that brings both joy and pain to my heart. Joy from being with you, being filled with an emotion so deep and tender that no other feeling can compare. Pain from knowing that I'm so in love, that I'm more vulnerable than I've ever”

May 21 Surviving

“The road to the future leads us smack into the wall. We simply ricochet off the alternatives that destiny offers. Jacques Cousteau

May 20 Surrender

Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.
-Gail Sheehy

May 19 Anticipation

“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”

May 18

If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying.  It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep.  ~Dale Carnegie

May 17

'Cos everything is beautiful when you're lookin through
Rose colored glasses.         - Kelly Rowland

May 16

From "No Strings Attached"

Adam: You know I was thinking - we’re gonna have to come up with some new rules. I’d like to start calling you hunny and babe.

Emma: I don’t know about babe

Adam: No?  Snuggling?

Emma: Oh yeah. I’m going to hold your hand.

Adam: Wow, this is all moving so fast.

Emma: Also, I’d like to leave the door open when I pee.

Adam: I think no.

Emma: I think I’m gonna do it all the time. It’s gonna get weird.

The picture represents not only the fact that I feel like I was shoved through the gates of hell today, but the fact that I am laughing right now. I laughed so hard when I saw this on the gate to a high school. 

The quote represents the fact that I am laughing, and focusing on moving forward with my life. I had to laugh as I watched this movie because I have considered peeing with the door open from now on.  :) 

May 15

Victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory, there is no survival.  -Winston Churchill

 

May 14

Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.

May 13

Our country is not the only thing to which we owe our allegiance.  It is also owed to justice and to humanity.  Patriotism consists not in waving the flag, but in striving that our country shall be righteous as well as strong.  ~James Bryce

May 12

"There is a tide in the affairs of men.
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat,
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures."
- William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

May 11

"How come dumb stuff seems so smart while you're doing it?"

 This photo is from a year ago- almost to the day actually. A kid thought "running" over my car would be fun. And yes, I mean literally running. Whoops! Sometimes I think... what was I thinking? How did I ever think this was a good idea...

May 10

"I can now successfully drive a stick. That's a huge accomplishment."
Shannon Miller

Ok- the quote? I can't actually drive a stick. And the photo is of me working on my first piece of drywall. But, both reveal a sense of accomplishment for something that most people wouldn't care about. That shouldn't take away from our own sense of greatness in a moment. 

Today, I feel a sense of accomplishment. I am finishing my English Language Learner endorsement today. It has been a two year program- almost every Wednesday. And, I am done today. All I have to do is present my final paper... which is already written.  Wahoo!!!

May 9

"Things were always so easy between us before, but this is real life. Yes we made mistakes, we screwed up. Maybe we can be take couple that finds their way through it to something better, something we both know is worth fighting for and protecting it." One Tree Hill

A year ago... I woke up on the 9th of May resolved. I didn't know it would be such a long journey to be able to live that resolution, but here I am, a year later, on the 9th of May, resolved to fight again. The difference is this time, I'm not alone. And that may be exactly what it takes...

May 8

"Everything happens for a reason. It will work out." Mary Richmond- my mom.

Happy Mother's day to the best momma in the world- mine! I love her! Thanks for everything Mom!

May 7

I brought children into this dark world because it needed the light that only a child can bring.  ~Liz Armbruster

 I got to spend today with a wonderful little girl. She offered to feed me beans, but I love her anyway.

May 6

We do not remember days; we remember moments.  ~Cesare Pavese, The Burning Brand

 I want to look back on my life and remember the good memories. And the funny thing is that I do remember days- and moments.

May 5

A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference.
Eeyore

 So many people have done little things that have mattered to me. I am thankful for all my friends and family- and for the little things in my life.

Day 19: May 4

“Kind words are a creative force, a power that concurs in the building up of all that is good, and energy that showers blessings upon the world.”

 Lawrence G. Lovasik quotes

 I had someone message that I'm doing a good job yesterday, and I got an email today saying the same thing. It is just so nice to be told that I am doing something right in my life. I need to be better at telling other people they are doing something right too.

Day 18: May 3

“Anger is just a cowardly extension of sadness. It's a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you're hurt.” Tom Gates

I get scared and hurt- and my first reaction is anger. Today was a rough day- and I know it stemmed from my hurt. I was more than happy to go to bed early so I didn't have to fight my anger anymore.

Day 17: May 2

"Learning to live in the present moment is part of the path of joy."

Sarah Ban Breathnach

 Today = rock climbing, mini-golf and driving in tiny race cars that scare the crap out of me. I was called a mean name, but I had fun and survived, so I don't care.  :) 

Day 16: May 1

The moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours.  No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that, during the day that lies before you, absolutely anything may happen.  And the fact that it practically always doesn't, matters not a jot.  The possibility is always there.  ~Monica Baldwin

 I love starting the morning out feeling good. It does make the day so much better- no matter what happens.

Day 15: April 30

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” Robert McCloskey

I know I have explained it, but I really don't think you got it. You said you got it. You cut off my explanation like you didn't need to hear it. But... by the way you are acting, I'm pretty sure you have no idea what I was saying.

Day 14: April 29

“High achievers spot rich opportunities swiftly, make big decisions quickly and move into action immediately. Follow these principles and you can make your dreams come true.”

-Robert Schuller

Day 13: April 28

“The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.”

- Chuck Palahniuk

It is a scary journey that we are on, but one that is going to be worth it. Andy is much more confident than I am about it, which is odd. I've always been the one who believed it would all work out- but he tells me this often.

Day 12: April 27

'I cannot go to school today, '
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
'I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I'm going blind in my right eye.
- Shel Silverstein

I spent the entire afternoon on the couch. I just felt blah. And this photo, it is a little blah too.

Day 11: April 26

"All I want is a place to call my own, to mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone."
 -A Day to Remember quotes 

Today, I just want a place to call my own. I want MY house to be MY house- until it isn't MY house anymore. I want it to be treated like MY house until it is no longer MY house. I don't want to come home to a mess from someone else's dog. I don't want to clean up a mess that isn't my responsibility. And, put the damn seat down!

Day 10: April 25

At sunrise everything is luminous but not clear. It is those we live with and love and should know who elude us. You can love completely without complete understanding.
Norman Maclean

Sunrise is such a peaceful time of day. The world is silent and fresh. At sunrise we have the first light of our new day- our new opportunity- our new chance to start over. It is also a time of vast change. In such a small amount of time the world changes from dark to light. That sudden change can be scary- but it always ends brighter than it started.

Day 9: April 24

"Charm is a glow within a woman that casts a most becoming light on others."  ~John Mason Brown

Day 8: April 23

"Some people lead; some people follow." Pat Hutchinson, 2nd grade

 What type of river would you like to be? An old river that goes with the flow, or a new river that carves its own way through the canyon? I was told this after I'd been "naughty" for a substitute with some friends at my daycare. It stuck with me. It is chosen for today's quote because I heard it again on a show I was watching, and I remembered the moment that honestly changed the way I thought about myself, and made a huge impact on my life.

Day 7: April 22

Physical punishment cleanses away evil; such discipline purifies the heart. Proverbs 20:30

My goal was to read the entire Bible is six months. I finished today, and this was the last verse I read.

Day 6: April 21

But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.  Isaiah 40:31

The first time I remember hearing this verse was my sophomore year, on our way to the state cross-country meet. A friend read it to us for inspiration. Today I helped out at our school's track meet. It made me reminiscent of my days as a runner and my days as a coach. I miss them both. I came home and was motivated to do some arm exercises and calf raises. I want to exercise more, and I know I can be given the strength (emotional, mental, and physical) to do it. 

Day 5: April 20

“Reflect upon your present blessings of which every man has many - not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some” Charles Dickens

All roses have thorns, but if we judged them solely by that, we would miss out on their beauty. I know the blessings being showered down on me right now come with a few thorns. I know my new job will be stressful in November.  I know my wonderful dog is actually very sick. I know Andy and I have a painful past. But I am so excited about my new job. I love playing with my dog when I get home. And I couldn't be happier about my relationship right now. :)

Day 4: April 19

When in doubt, make a fool of yourself.  There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth.  So what the hell, leap.  ~Cynthia Heimel, "Lower Manhattan Survival Tactics"

Day 3: April 18

“Don't dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer.”  - Denis Waitley

Andy and I have been working on things for several months now. A lot of it has been, "Eventually... this is what will happen..." But this weekend, things became very real, and things have changed. There are things happening now, and for me it is great. We are making forward progress, and it is going so much better than I could have imagined. Trust deposits are being made, and I am healing.

Day 2: April 17

"People with integrity walk safely, but those who follow  crooked paths will slip and fall." Proverbs 10:9

Who am I behind the locked door? What do I do when no one is looking? I was reminded today that sometimes integrity means being honest with ourselves, as much as with others.

I want to walk the safe path of integrity, knowing I am safe, even when the door isn't locked.

Day 1: April 16, 2011

"Love is more than a noun -- it is a verb; it is more than a feeling -- it is caring, sharing, helping, sacrificing."

- William Arthur Ward

Love is a verb- an action. It is something that we do for others and a way that we act toward others. I have often felt that one of those actions is to sacrifice for them to be happy. I am starting to realize though that real love is helping each other to both be happy, so no sacrifice is actually needed.